Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 8) — Crazy Cruise Charters

Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 8) — Crazy Cruise Charters

Crazy Cruise Charters

by Elise Lentz.

Ever wonder what it would be like to work on cruise ships? Small cruise ships? For 15 years?

Elise & Tim Lentz have worked on ships big and small as cruise directors, shore excursion managers, tour directors and event managers for over 15 years. The married globetrotters are based in Florida when they’re not aboard ships, mostly small ones these days, running the small ship division for a US-based tour operator and now for their own new company Global Tour Management. Depending on specific assignment(s), they may be on the high seas for a few weeks to a month or more at a time. Their life has been anything but boring and each day offers a new adventure.  

Welcome to the eighth in a series of monthly installments from Elise, sharing their story behind the scenes.

Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 8)

In a previous post, I talked about some of the more interesting themed charters our ships hosted. I mentioned that the ship (in a nutshell) “caters” to the whims and desires of the charter client.  One such request came from the organizers of a gay charter to have the captain don a toga during their themed toga party. As reluctant as the captain was to strip himself of his formal uniform, he did comply and amazingly managed to find a way to attach his epaulets (stripes) to his makeshift toga. (I still wish I had a picture of that…)

Another captain faced a few “unique” requests during an Orthodox Jewish charter. When the rabbi wanted to have the dinnerware blessed in the seawater, all of the dishes and glasses were crated up and placed in a large cargo net. Using the onboard crane — the netting and crate were lifted over the side of the ship and “somewhat” gently dipped into the ocean.  Mission accomplished — all items were blessed in the ocean.  “Mission impossible” — not all of the dishes and glasses made it back onboard.  So the next time you are snorkeling around St.Thomas you may see a new coral reef consisting of china dinnerware and crystal glasses.

Not all charters are remembered for their parties and fun-loving guests. And as you know, just because someone may have a lot of money does not mean they have a lot of sense.  And this next story proved that wealth is not always a direct correlation to intelligence.

There was one charter that consisted of a family reunion, and this multi-generational family (and their friends) took over the entire ship. Some of the younger members, bored with “Uncle Joe’s” family stories, “Aunt Alice’s” card games and pulling grandpa’s finger, decided to turn their cabin into a circus act. Complete with music blaring from the room, one young man took on the role as ringmaster to attract the interest of the other younger cruisers. With an abundance of teenage hormones, two of the more “beefy” muscular boys decided to host a ringside act and show off their bravado and skills of strength to their friends. Without any grace or skill whatsoever, they proceeded to turn their cabin’s bathroom door into a trapeze. The young audience encouraged and cheered on the acrobatic performers until…. the trapeze broke. To the disbelief of the chief engineer, the final act of these circus clowns resulted in the steel framed bathroom door being bent beyond repair. Unfortunately for the chief engineer, that was not the worse of the nightmares he would face on this cruise.

The swimming pool onboard was very petite and passengers would refer to it as “an Olympic sized bird bath.” Late one night, after some of these same clowns grew tired of fornicating and smoking in the dark on the outside decks, they decided to host a “cannonball” diving competition in the pool. This resulted in a major crack in the bottom of the pool. Leaking water has to go somewhere — and it did — into the main lounge which was located on the deck below the pool.

You can’t make this shit up.

So how did grandma and grandpa “Warbucks” address these situations? History has proven that people with money often dig themselves out of “ugly situations” by throwing money at it, in this case, with a check to pay for the damages. The “Warbucks” couldn’t deny the damages their group wreaked on the ship and they paid up.

The “coup de grâce” for the captain that week was the day we were in Mykonos, Greece. For those of you who have been there, you know the winds can be unrelenting. The ship was docked and the family (and friends) disembarked for a day onshore. The daughter–in-chief, who was the mastermind behind the “Warbucks” clan, stayed onboard to plan the evenings’ events.  She approached the captain wanting him to reposition the ship and anchor off-shore, so the family could enjoy “the twinkling lights of Mykonos” that evening during dinner. The captain was very hesitant about this request and explained to Ms. “Twinkling Lights” why this was not a good idea due to the forecasted increase in wind speed. Wanting nothing to do with his answer and as any spoiled brat would do, she whined until he finally gave in. The captain contacted the port agent and advised him that he would give up his docking location to go to anchor. This also meant the ship would need to establish tender operations to get all the passengers, who were currently on shore, back to the ship.  The captain left the dock and attempted to anchor. The winds continued to grow and the captain advised that he did not think operating the tenders in these conditions was safe.  Ms. “Temper Tantrum” stomped her feet and pouted until the captain lowered a tender.  What I then witnessed was one of the scariest tender operations I would ever see.  The winds were so strong that the waves tossed the tender around like a cork bobbing in water. To make matters worse, the ship broke free from its anchorage and was now drifting. At this time, the captain told Ms. “Thang” to get off his bridge and he was going take the ship back to the dockage. Fortunately, the sailor was able to slowly maneuver the tender back to the dock and safely re-board the vessel once the ship re-docked.

Finally, the cruise ends and the poor crew has the daunting task to clean and repair, in four hours, what in essence was a weeklong frat party. To this day, whenever I hear people mention Mykonos, visions of “spoiled kids of privilege” dance in my head.

Crazy Cruise Charters

Elise in Mykonos, while the charter queen harassed the captain on board. * Photo: Tim Lentz

To quote a line from Forrest Gump: “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” I can relate, in that there are times you are disappointed with or dislike the chocolate you received, but then there are those amazing chocolates that create a special, comforting memory. Each journey we are on is like receiving a wrapped box of chocolates full of surprises.  Next time I’ll share with you some of the most “special chocolate” treats that stick in my memory.

 

Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Hitting the Road  (Part 1)
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — The Voyage Begins (Part 2)
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Sleeping Around (Part 3)
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Shook Me All Night Long (Part 4) 
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Say Cheese (Part 5)
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Good Cruises Gone Bad (Part 6)
Read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea — Whatever the Client Wants (Part 7)

 

Don’t miss a post, subscribe to QuirkyCruise.com for a monthly update of our best posts! 

 

© This article is protected by copyright, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission from the author. All Rights Reserved. QuirkyCruise.com.

About The Author

QuirkyCruise

Ted & Heidi are long-time travel writers with a penchant for small ship cruising. Between them they've traveled all over the world aboard hundreds and hundreds of small cruise ships of all kinds, from river boats to expedition vessels and sailing ships.

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