Elise & Tim Behind The Scenes At Sea (Part 7)

by Elise Lentz.

Ever wonder what it would be like to work on cruise ships? Small cruise ships? For 15 years?

Elise & Tim Lentz have worked on ships big and small as cruise directors, shore excursion managers, tour directors and event managers for over 15 years. The married globetrotters are based in Florida when they’re not aboard ships, mostly small ones these days, running the small ship division for a US-based tour operator and now for their own new company Global Tour Management. Depending on specific assignment(s), they may be on the high seas for a few weeks to a month or more at a time. Their life has been anything but boring and each day offers a new adventure.

Welcome to the seventh in a series of monthly installments from Elise, sharing their story behind the scenes.

So when a group wants to charter the entire ship, what do you do?

Elise has seen it all ….

Typically, whatever the client wants….

Over the years there have been a few times when the ships we worked on were chartered by groups. It’s possible you may have searched for a specific week to take your vacation and noticed that the cruise line has that week either blocked out or even removed from their schedule. That’s a good indication that they are running a ship under “full-charter.”

So what are some of the themes we hosted while working onboard?

One time a car manufacturer offered a cruise for their top car salespeople. If their car sales were on par with the volume of booze consumed and casino winnings earned — then they were definitely the top salespeople in the entire world. I remember the bar manager being in a panic after the first night. He quickly realized that his top shelf supply would be depleted within two days and the group may have to resort to finishing out their cruise with Bud Light and Jägermeister. And until this cruise, I have never seen a Casino Manager in complete fear. I have always been told that “the house never loses.” That typically is very true — until this cruise. Outside of being world class salespeople, they must have also been masters of counting cards. The Casino lost its shirt (and pants and jockey shorts). In order to honor the payout — we cleaned out the purser’s safe and actually had to get approval to dip into the emergency reserves onboard. The ultimate finale of this trip was witnessing a large, very hairy, grown man, strip down to his “tighty whities” and on his bare belly, perform the worm dance across the back deck during the deck BBQ. Just when I thought that show was bad enough, the next morning we had to witness him showing off his self-inflicted brush burns.

* The Daily Beast

If there was a Gold Medal for the most fun charter — it would have to be a New Years’ Gay Cruise. This group came onboard complete with Professional DJs, Comedians and Drag Queens. Their entertainment staff knew how to make grand entrances. One day the group went to a public beach, in the Caribbean, for a party. The star of the party was being escorted to the event in the most dramatic way. Imagine this — a zodiac (inflatable boat), blaring disco music, streaming towards the beach with a 7-foot-tall drag queen, dressed in a green sequined mermaid outfit complete with a long flowing blond wig. Locals on the beach started to look around and quickly realized this was not going to be their typical day at the public beach. One night the group rented space on the island of Montserrat to host a private toga party. They donned their finest togas (aka bedsheets) and prepared to disembark the ship via tenders to go ashore. I remember the purser waiting at the bottom of the gangway to help “check off” the disembarking passengers. Innocently, she was reminding the guests to keep their ship’s ID card in a safe place for the night. One man boldly lifted up the bottom of his toga, to reveal an “au natural undercarriage” and announced that he did not have a place to store his ID card. I can only surmise that if he asked for help, she could have made a suggestion of where he could put that ID card and then offer a little advice on seeing the spa manager to book an appointment for a “manscape” (look it up!).

#manscape

There have been other “themed” charter cruises my colleagues have experienced. One being a Nudest Only cruise. The only rule enforced was the passengers could not be on the open decks naked until the ship was so many miles off the coast. They were like kids at a candy store waiting for mommy to say it was “OK” to select the candy of their choice. They could barely contain themselves waiting for the moment to strip down and feel the wind in their hair… The crew started to wear sunglasses to help avoid uncomfortable eye contact and to camouflage where they may be uncontrollably starring. Imagine this — it’s Captain’s Night and the passengers arrive by walking down a flight of steps to be greeted by the officers standing at the bottom of the staircase. It looked like this: (1) bare feet (2) ankles (3) hairy legs and knees followed by (4) quoting Austin Powers — their “twig and berries.”

The charter theme that wins the award (whatever award that may be), was the Swingers Cruise. The stories I heard about this charter were enough to make you need therapy and a hazmat suit. That’s one episode I never saw aired on The Love Boat… At least not on prime-time TV.

So, what else can I share of “behind the scenes life” on board? …. See you next month.

Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 1)
Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 2)
Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 3)
Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 4)
Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 5)
Click here to read Elise & Tim Behind the Scenes at Sea (Part 6)